Looking For The Lost Dream

             

Hii Guys, I think it long time that I never make new Post. I wanna start post something different for now.  I have made many posts and most of it is about Religion. It sometimes made me afraid that how if i was wrote wrong information. It's mean i was made a lie, a lie make me get a sin and that lie made me put into Hell. So i will write something more light, more easy to read but still in have connection in idea of my blog that "We try to find the meaning of our life". Everyone need to tell someone about their problem, tell what happening in our life or tell about our secret, about our story to someone who we trust. Since i got my own Laptop in high School i was started to write about my daily life in my laptop. I’m not kind of people who have a best friend or really open to my parents that I can tell everything to them. I'm not kind of that Man, unfortunately. I didn't tell my problem to my parent. I just like to write it in  Ms.word or in my Notes. I think this is the reason why i like write in blog.  One day, when i have old. I can read this note to Nostalgia Or When i was pass from this world people who known me like my child or my grandchild can read this and remember me. heheh :D Let's Play....

When I was elementary school, I always thought, Teacher is the best profession in this world. It's a noble profession ever and teacher can do anything in my mind at that time. Even Imam Al-Ghazali said "My good teacher more dignify than My Father, because my father is the cause of my evanescent life, and my teacher is the cause of my permanent life".  Teacher is people who will make Human being be smart and be real human. That’s why I want to be a teacher when I was child. Become Mathematics teacher exactly. The spirit for study always burn in my soul and make me keep study much to make my hope become true. Be a Mathematics teacher. Hehe I still remember when the last exam in elementary school for mathematics, I can solved all questions that make my result close to perfect. My math result is 9.75 in National Exam. I really remember that I was wrong to answer one question about cylinder. I only find large of circle as base of cylinder and Forgot to time it with high of cylinder for get Volume of that Cylinder. That mistake is still strong memory in my mine.  I know there are many student got result 100 (perfect) in my Town. But I proud with my result because I get it without join in any course like other students did. I just from ordinary family which can’t put me in expensive course like them. I just study with myself what I Called "Otodidak", the way i learn by myself. My parents never teach or ask me to study at all. They don't have Good Education too to teach me. Even my father was never graduate in any school Guys. He only passed around grade 4 in elementary school because bad condition happened to his life. I will write next post about "A Dream from My Father". He is always being Number One Father for me in this world.

When I was a middle School student, my mind open that this world so wide, there are many difference culture and language. I studied in Public School in my town, I think the School is the most favorite in my town in that time. In middle School, I learn unique language I think, there is no other middle school teach this language in my town except my School and We are the first students who get that lesson when it be a subject in our School.  That language is Japanese. Although I’m not number one in my class in this lesson, Japanese language always be my favorite subject in that time. For me, no other student more spirit than me in this subject. I start to dream to visit Japan. I want to see how rich Japanese culture with their modern life, look at behavior of Japanese who really hard work, discipline and really careful in anything. What I see in that time, they implementation Islam although most of them don't choose any religion. It different with people in my place that most of them are Muslim but they didn't implementation the beautiful of Islamic teaching, Only Small people do it.  I want to prove that how I love their language. I always put this dream in my mind and in my deep heart that one day I will visit this country. I can… I should and I must…. :D

 The time pass so fast. I’m studying in high School.  The Spirit to study hard is still strong in my mind. That dream burn me every day in high school. I believe education man will have good life, have enough money and enjoy their life. The spirit to Study much was strong and deep in my heart and mind.  This was made me become good student and get good rank in High school. I believe my hope and dream will become true that I will study abroad in sun rise country, Japan.

       I was passes many obstacle. Although there were times that my spirit becomes low, I can pass it all and keep strong again. My spirit still here, still burn me and bring me to study in a city as Sub urban, a city near from capital city Called Depok city. This town far enough from my home town, around 600 Km. I like this Arabic wish words “Seek Knowledge Even If You Have to Go as Far as China”. That mean we should travel the world for study. However far the place where we can get the knowledge, we should travel it. This is one of my dreams what i write in a paper that i put it beside my bed when i was high school. This dream become true. Maybe this is not exactly same what I want that i write in that paper, Actually i wrote that i wanna study In Jakarta. But Exactly Allah SWT give what I need Guys. Depok is near from Jakarta and this town is not different with Jakarta. So Don't afraid to make a dream Guys!!! Keep it AS HARD AS u CAN. Surely It Will become true with help Of Allah. The dream which I wrote in that paper which becomes true is not only study in Jakarta. I also dream to study in University with Scholarship and both of that dreams become true. I still have 3 dreams Again to reach. One of its that I wanna Study abroad in Japan or in another country. I still survive with this dream. I should survive,,, I should Surviveeee........

The day I wrote this blog is the day I feel my step was far to reach my Dream to study Abroad. My spirit become week, I got many question and afraid with question "Will I become a success man??" Or I will be garbage man or like a dust man because my laziness today. "Will I make the dream to study abroad become true??" I need to find better Job, so that i don't need my father to send me money to feed me here, because University only gives scholarship for study. I get Laziness to think because different method in Study with my method when I’m in School. I should understand everything by myself, start from zero.  I just feel afraid, afraid to face everything. The biggest afraid come to my life that How If unfortunately One day I disappoint my parents. Every day I pass without spirit but afraid... Spirit to study abroad was gone. It was forgotten. Full of Fearfulness that I can’t survive by myself, just use my parent's capability to feed and get all material I need here. I just Confusing….There is something wrong with me, I should correct it for all happen to me today... 

There are 2 hadith of prophet Muhammad that make me Wonder to catch this worldly Life, make me thinking hard: Abu Sa'id Khudri reported that Prophet Muhammad Said "The world is sweet and green (alluring) and verily Allah is going to install you as vicegerent in it in order to see how you act. So avoid the allurement of women: verily, the first trial for the people of Isra'il was caused by women" Sahih Muslim 2742. Truly, this world Green and Sweet Guys,, Make us forget what our first purpose life here is. Make us wasted many of our time to catch worldly life. To catch money, wealth and get High level in our society. The second hadith make me think hard and make walking around my head:

Ibn Mas'ud (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:

The Prophet drew up a square and in the middle of it he drew a line, the end of which jutted out beyond the square. Further across the middle line, he drew a number of smaller lines. Then he said, "The figure represents man and the encircling square is the death which is encompassing him. The middle line represents his desires and the smaller lines are vicissitudes of life. If one of those misses him, another distresses him, and if that one misses him, he falls victim to another." Al-Bukhari, Book 1, Hadith 577...